fkjf

thisisasentencewithoutanyspaces

and it was difficult to type but i'm okay

i lived through it

just as i will live through having just enough .

if i could move through each piece of now, i would.

i will.

i have a box in my closet marked 'the past'

and it holds nothing that i want to keep.

i do not have a box marked the future because that would be silly.

fuck that box. who wants their future in a box?

i keep my future on a list that shines out in my room

what screams out from that list screams out so loud that it becomes real.

i'm getting close to giving without wanting

i hope it's not laziness that

i don't wanna claim anything.

i feel lately that i don't have the right to be so posessive.

OH NO

everything im learning

boils down to paying attention

i like doing that

i like it so much that i can go long periods of time

without

talking.

i like doing.

i like paying attention.

i like ice cream

i like long drives

i like learning

i like kissing

i like wearing boots and bathing suits

(but not at the same time)

i remember the feeling of being closely held by another human being and

i liked that. a lot.

i like dancing barefoot

and flailing around so crazily that youd think my parts would fly off my body

i like accomplishing things

i like not knowing because i feel safe in it

i like not needing proof of who i am...that's what makes kissing so good.

disconnect

i feel like i'm taking huge paces towards a very important door...and the strides are made in slow motion, as if my feet are stuck in tar, but i'm okay with this.

i wonder if i can stay in this job for one more year. i feel alone in it.

i am alone in it right now.

more meditation, feeling it out, more doing, more stops.

the meditation is in what i do and what i do feels like it is in slow motion and i wonder if i will ever be intimate with anybody ever again.

this is a slow opening.

i am a slow opening.

tender, pulsing, alive, alone.