i belong to the world

and that's that.

"seat check" and other cool things

in other words, "this seat is mine, and will be when i return from where i'm getting up to go to right now"

and all the other guys in the room comply. friend or not, doubtful that anyone was even listening when someone says "seat check", it's honored when someone else tries to take that chair.

boys are simple: they follow a code of rules until they feel disrespected. that's why boys are boys and girls are girls.

sometimes life needs the "seat check" rule.

right when i happen to be wondering about life the most, some kid randomly starts playing "don't stop believing" on the piano in the office.

sometimes we need to be surprised by what gets played on a piano.

lost agin.

careful about what i'm wishing for.

trying to take my own advice.

i think i want a digital watch.

i think i want someone to hold me.

i think i want pie a la mode.

i think i'm sad. i feel uncertain.

i think i need a nap.

i think i think too much.

stopping.

yup.

rulebreaker

i am typing in bed. which close to never happens because it passes my imaginary sacntuary line that outlines my wonderful bed. i sleep here. i dream here. i snuggle with lovers here.

that last thing... maybe that's why i don't care tonite.

for a few days i decided that all was lost and that was it. i get confused sometimes to how much i manifest and what is real. i know many things go on in here. scattered and messy and leaving me wondering. it's all a dream to me. it was all a dream. everything is a dream.

so, i can dream up this man who will scoop me up and say "finally" and look at me like i've looked at people before, like loose change down a wishing well. i'll dream up this man who already exists. i dared to take it for granted. what a fool. i dared to expect things. with the way my days have been lately, how could i have done that? i lived in peace when i thought everything was a blessing and i was just lucky to be standing. i say so often that i'm ready to go to whatever the next level is. and i still hold that true. except for this... if i can't spill my guts in person, then i'll do it in a letter. i wanna say:

i will always have your back. i never thought id find you but i understand how this couldnt work out. you must know that you taught me how to love and never to settle. you, darling, were my number one, you dumb ass (that's if i get rejected). and i got you. you were smart there for a few months. one day when you let someone love you as completely as i could, you will smile and so will i.

and if you choose wisely, and grab me and love me and realize how much i trust you with every feeling in my every bone, i will be lit up like the sky was tonite on a full moon. i will play in your shadows and celebrate your light by making the yummy sounds.

yes. that moment i waited for is here. the drowsy droop of my eyelids. this was the only way to solve the sleeplessness of thinking about you: to break my own rule and type about it lying down, letting the crappy light of this screen burn through and exhaust these eyeballs even more.

if it was about me not being cute enough, then shame on you...and shame on me for trying to become more than just rad sex with one of my favorite people on this earth.

eavesdropping

while throwing a pity party for myself because of my boy problems, i overheard a conversation between a lady and her friend about someone waking up from a coma. she said that on thanksgiving day, he opened his eyes and looked around. he seemed to be hearing everyone...and understanding. this was difficult for her because they had no real proof that he was able to comprehend what was happening and know who she was. he couldn't express himself, despite their hunches that he was "there". she believed he recognized her. she was trying hard to keep faith alive. any progress was a huge leap.

i thought to myself: sheesh, trin. people have bigger problems than you, and here you are, getting all in a twist because of some guy! psh!

and then the greater thought came to me: actually, i think she and i are in the same boat.

applied learning...a note from all my sub-personalities

• calm down. trust that everything that's supposed to happen will happen.
• at least you got some afterwards. use this "state of limbo" shit to your advantage.
• i wish i could know that he feels the same way i do.
• dang this root beer is GOOD.

• love without fear. loving completely is the only way to grow. said it yourself. expect nothing in return.
• dude, just say it if you're feeling it.
• will he say it back?
• i'm sick of watching you think about all of this. go through it, i guess. don't rub your eyes because you got spicy sauce on your fingers!

hey. thanks.

i've been great at trivia lately. my friends have been more shiny and special in my eyes. my family has relearned how to laugh with and at each other again. i am really comfortable right now, the way i'm sitting. i just home safely from friends and people i consider family. life has been everything but boring (i typed that last sentence and am blown away by how true it is). I feel beautiful, powered up, on fire, and am trying to enjoy it. i have had some really excellent and really delicious food. ive accomplished more than i thought i could. i live with a great community of neighbors and have wonderful roommates. i have a job. i have love. i have realized important callings. i love being naked. i love trusting...it's like my favorite thing to do now. hahah

i am healthy. i have pretty feet. my comfy bed. i am not hungry, or cold, or lonely. instead, i am loved...and kind of sleepy.

a clown and a mime scared the crap out of me on my drive home from work yesterday

true story.

i was in my car and was stopped at a light on Virgil and Prospect.

someone dressed as a clown went right up to my passenger side window, put its hands up,and said "BLAH!"

big red wig. painted face. round nose. white gloves.

i screamed.

i don't like clowns.

THEN

the clown's friend, the mime, stood behind the clown and mocked me by making a "boo hoo" face and pretended to wipe imaginary tears from his imaginary face while continuing his mime-cry.

my jaw dropped.

frazzled, i laughed and shook my head.

correction, i grabbed my chest in offense, and THEN proceeded to laugh and shake my head all the way home.

i tried to remember what day it was while shaking off the nerves.

i felt like a little kid cooly trying to recover from something embarassing.

it was just a normal day, but a normal day in Hollywood.

this morning i bought a lotto ticket just in case this is the season of surprise

and the next surprise is a good one.

then again, winning the lottery would be just as bizarre.

HMMM....

wrapping

'tis the season, honey.

keep wrapping me up.

wrap me up tightly, compulsively, like it was your winter job and santa was your boss.

take your sharp edges

and curl the ends of my ribbon into vampire-ringlet-goldilock curls.

leave nothing uncovered by your sparkly pattern.

trace all corners with your fingers,

flip me over, find my center, and hold--

press there with your strength until you feel done

and until i look done,

then tie the pretty red bow.

...and i will wait...

until the feeling of morning when i see you again.

oh.

release me.

shakerattlesqueezeholdlisten

pretend to guess

until you can't take it.

claw right through, undo undo

ripping all the covers off of my ready body.

scratch through.

there will always be one more layer.

i will tremble like a puppy waiting in a box,

nudging at box tops, tail wagging,

let loose, open, free, and all over the damn place.

happy homecoming, thanksgiving, and merry christmas.

it's much earlier than i thought

and i feel like snugglin'...the whole bit: face nuzzled in neck and chest. arms around a body. arms around me. feet tangled and twistin'. clothes unnecessary but very necessary to maintain snuggle mode. breath soft, face softer, heart softest.

this cough is hangin' on, but i feel some energy coming back to my body and that feels right.

the actual time is 7:03 pm.

I feel like 9pm.

maybe i'm wring about the energy thing. maybe i'm just tired.

maybe i want sushi. maybe i want sushi from down the street and eat a bucket of fresh ginger to ward off the last of this funk.

closing the distance

i'm learning. still lost, but learning, thank god.

i had a conversation with buddy about being in a place of loving with ease, something beyond crazy-faced passion and spazzing out... comfortable and sure of it beyond explanation. the more he described it, the more i realized i was in the same boat. signs and timing.

my weekend was filled with the following:

• words
• hope
• relief
• beautiful people
• buddy
• derrick
• anis
• mindy
• a big red bus
• horchata
• hugs
• kisses
• a captain's hat
• a church
• elephants
• friendly lesbians
• sand
• the queen mary
• laughter
• tears
• not enough rest
• complete fulfillment

signs...and timing

i am so tired and so filled with gratitude.

confession

today i got home and parked my car. i went into my room to shake off my day. i did a good practice. it changed me but my craving did not cease. i walked around...i walked to the bank...i went to nature mart...i did the ultimate pace around the blocks where i live.

i ended up at the counter of the liquor store. maybe you know where this is going by now.

i asked for them. today was special edition: they came in a tin. oooh. affirmation that it was meant to be?

i slid into my SF skin. my late teens, early 20s, the me that walked around lake merced, the me that let herself get stuck in a weird relationship, the me that would make life long friends, the me that made copies for people and worked in retail. the me that would struggle to feel like she was home in any other city. this version shook hands with someone who knew better but was able to look back with pride, ownership and grace.

wiser hands pulled a cigarette out of that pack like the first time.

wiser hands wearing her love watch and mala beads,

who now lived down the street, is finding love, is working hard at what feels like everything, is growing her hair out, is letting go of what needs to go and letting in whatever's right.

she is a teacher now, who has lovers but will drop everything for just That one,

who is steadiest on her bare feet and looks best in her undies,

who feels like all she's learning is to unlearn and teach others to unlearn and be their unraveled selves and love it.

wiser hands stumbled a cigarette out of that fancy tin and

lit it up.

two brown eyes watched the tiny orange glow of their own personal sweat lodge.

lips sucked in the smoke.

almost immediately a guy on a bike asked for one. he had a good eye. he must have done that

often...waiting for more like her.

we bend the rules. we are authentic. we get the point across. we go full circle when we least expect it and it feels good.

doing laundry and being captured

i need a spin cycle

then a good go-round in the dryer.

i might not live through it, but at the very least i will feel

fresh, hot, and cuddly.

in this madness i celebrate my craving

to be squeezed... held captive in a mountain of bed sheets and hot laundry.

i dream of that capture:

i'll be busy, real "busy" doing things like sorting through books and papers,

pretending to care about mail that will end up in a pile,

when i am tackled against my will (but not really),

grabbed, tickled and

kissed, execution style.

the rifle of your warm mouth, exploding my face,

will not rest.

i will be bound and gagged ( i can take it).

bury me in all the silence that results in the muting of all this earth noise.

send a live-feed digital account of my being held prisoner to wherever i was

before i was with you.

the lighting will flutter. i will give the camera a peace sign and thumbs up.

peel me back and light me up.

somewhere out there

you are my heaven and i want it now.

sometimes i forget

sometimes i forget

sometimes i forget

how secure i was,

how captured i was,

how good you felt,

how right things were,

how my reality showed my dreams up,

looking in the face of desire and fantasy and told them to take a hike,

and everything was justified.

now i justify nothing.

there is no need. i feel stripped.

returned to this home

and though my things are glad to see me,

i forgot how to use them.

i wait for a bell to wake me up because i cannot feel you reaching in the morning.

i am a strange prisoner now,

sitting here amazed at how free i felt while being gripped so tightly.

los angeles

i am off limits tonite.

this whole "tough guy" act starts to wear on a girl who's a hopeless romantic living in the part of town where couples go on dates and walk their adorable dogs down the street while holding hands.

there were a few repeating patterns to today: garages, defeated men, and awkward moments.

i wonder if i'm a healer because i've crushed a man's soul so mercilessly. i don't ever want to have to do that again. now i see women treat their men badly and wonder if they've forgotten that they were the world to him once. i wonder about relationships and miss feeling close to someone. i am letting myself drown in this feeling tonite. if my heart were a mouth it would be chewing foil. i felt this on the freeway. i almost lost hope on the drive home tonite.

it's not as simple as i thought. not that i thought it was simple to begin with, i guess i'm just less comfortable with this gypsy state that i'm in. i've never missed someone this much. i know how men can still feel good and not be the one you really really really want. i want to spill my guts just to get a reaction. i want to hide in my bed and only peel myself out of it when he's ready to love me. i don't want to become someone so independent that they rule so hard at their job and forget how to lean into a cuddle or close their eyes when they kiss. i can't. i might be incapable of those things, thank god.

the thing is, i found someone that i want and right now i'm sick of waiting, sick of trusting, sick of being alone, knowing that i cannot settle, knowing that this is just passing, but i want to cry my way out of it like a four-year-old child.

i don't care if there's danger in it. i just don't wanna feel like an idiot. but hey, that's life.

i've done stupider things for lesser men. i have learned that maybe some people don't get scared off by bold enough behavior.

i want to get so tiny.

i want to hold on and cling.

i want to scream into my pillow and have the words pop up in his sleep.

i want to throw a fucking tantrum about it and have that be it, BUT NO, i have to dive into my emotions to grow from this.

in the process of making the path to my breakthroughs, i've discovered these feelings. i am happy but feeling everything. i am the unexplained. i know that maybe i'm alone in this...by choice.

to the dude, to the chick, to the yogi, to the voyeur: all y'all can suck it.

octopus

i saw a necklace at store around town.

i liked it so much that i took it out of the glass case and tried it on. It's fake bronze and the pendant is an octopus about half the size of the palm of my hand. When it hangs on my neck, it hangs over my heart. I relate to it. i feel that its heaviness is appropriate for how i feel and for the octopus in the marine life sense...

it's my honorary power animal right now, my totem, my medallion: unfurling and mystical, reaching back and creating.

i paused to read up on its meaning. sailors use it to ward off evil. magical. creation, expansion, and an agent for growth.

more on this soon. will think about this more.

if __________

i imagine a rapid peeling of all the layers of my self

to expose fireworks and light, dancing around my insides.

i bet my face would make the happiest expression of satisfied faith.

tears could fall.

i would wrap my arms around ya and imagine a zip line from my mouth to yours,

a bouncy and speedy connect to safety.

my heart would jump so high out of my chest that when it landed i'd fall for you...again, you bastard.

saturday frenzy...suckers!

i am saving money.

i am in my room.  i have taken a nap almost everyday this summer, the shortest on being about twenty minutes, the longest being about four hours.

after teaching class today i bought a single slice of cheese pizza and walked over to toys 'r' us. i rule. the delicious slice made me sleepy. i went home and, surprise, took a nap. i woke up about an hour ago.

which brings me to the present moment...i could buy a large beer, but i don't feel like it and will probably drink a bunch tomorrow. i could smoke some weed, then i would want a snack, then i could go to the market and be high and walk around.  this might be the plan for tonite.  driving in this town sucks on saturdays, and at the very least i could watch people be out on dates in the town where i very happily live and do not need to travel to in order to be out and about yay.

yes, i could get high, walk around, come back, and write and daydream.  THAT, my friend, is my kinda saturday night.  this has been my kind of saturday in general.

god bless america.

i can follow directions

"tap in. tap the shoulder.

love is yours.

make the first move.

lose the ones who stepped on your shoes.

love is yours.

let it be its horrible self. learn it."

-derrick c. brown

from "Church of the Broken Axe Handle'

fearlessness and peace of mind

that title is misleading.  that title sounds  like this might be a very deep and self-searching kind of entry, perhaps about courage and meditation. it's not. or maybe...whatever.

it's about love and about how yesterday after three events (a death of a coworker, watching the movie "funny people", and a poetry reading), i really decided on being fearless. fearless and foolish about laying it all out on the table. i believe it to the core: to love no other way.  he's gonna appreciate or not. frankly, i've been surprised that i haven't scared him away yet with other things that i've done. so, when i texted him this morning that i couldn't get him out of my brain and it was driving me bananas and that there was no reply needed, i didn't freak out about it. it's true and out there now. perhaps thats the best we can do: to let it be true and let it be out there. there is no other message. be fearless.

i will always be present...not in the stalker way, but in the way that says i'm stickin around regardless of who else is out there because i don't give a fuck.

as for the peace of mind part, i'll get what i need when i need it from other lovers, but nigga please. no one's foolin with the deepest part of me which belongs to you. 

i feel i could write erotica and thousands of love letters. 

i've never felt like this before: cracked out and jonesin' on the lovin'. powerless but with an urge to pay this feeling forward.

all of a sudden i'm hungry. it's because i haven't eaten anything today.

must

solve

immediately.

fearlessness and peace of mind.

thinking too hard : a rant about what the aftermath

i've walked many a walk of shame and have made some good lovin' to many great men.

perhaps i'm frazzled because either something is over or something has just begun. both are fine...just FINE...but maybe not. after all the magic, he is just a man. after psyching myself out by looking at his pictures, he is just a man (in my opinion one of the most extraordinary men on the fucking planet), but JUST a man.  i cannot blame him for not wanting a girlfriend. i can't blame him for being fucking gorgeous or sexy or good with his words.

this is what i get for tangling with a poet.

can i just tell him:

i regret this a little bit. i wanted to be special. i wanted to be above the others and not among the droves of women who try and get in your pants. i have a crush on you. i want dibs (super dibs over your mouth and your heart and your orange juice).  is it too late now? wanna just be friends? let's have some juice.

what i've learned:

never to settle.  that i'm perhaps more badass that i thought i was. i've learned what it feels like to want to drop everything for somebody. i've learned that i've never felt that before. i like it. plus freedom.  i can do this for a while. i will keep my crush on my poet because i have nothing to lose.

stop thinking. just be.  all this imagination right now will get you nowhere because what actually happened gets tacked on to "the best shit ever in my life" list. hahahah.

 

affection

lately

i've been looking for affection

and lately i've been finding it 

everywhere:

the sky when it turns blue-green and pink

the trees that grow from the ground up, whose leaves light me up

gifts from friends

time and the vision to see that i've got no complaints

because this day isn't mine, its ours

i make out with: 

the lack of control

meals and laughter

naked naps

silence and music

and my hand  when i kiss it at night

imaginary and real people

and really really good food.

i really need to pee

i forgot that when teaching summer school, you can't just leave the class when you need to go to the restroom. I have had to pee for a good seventeen minutes. the children are testing. there's thirteen minutes left of class.

maybe this'll help to write about it.

the view is amazing from this room.

one time i was in traffic on franklin blvd. and had to pee so badly i pulled over and banged on the door of some building on the corner of franklin and...la brea ( i think).  at first the woman who answered told me that there were no public restrooms. I said, "look, i was in traffic and i have to go SO badly that i pulled over and am here asking to use your restroom. I'll take anything i can get ( i don't know what i meant by that).  PLEASE."  she saw the i-am-going-to-piss-myself look in my eyes and let me in.  felt so good. 

several years ago on 4th of July I had to go so badly that a friend of mine ushered me into the front of a port-a-potty (sp?) line and told ALL of the people that we cut in front of to just relax because i was doing the peepee dance so badly that i couldn't get on  the ferris wheel.  when i finally let it out it, was close to the best sensation of my life. 

the fireworks afterwards was also fucking amazing .

p.s.

i was able to take care of business shortly after the phrase "felt so good." the last paragraph and sentence was completed hours later...just keepin' it real.

when "what ifs' turn into the "is" and the "are"

i feel it's this simple:

to follow your heart and do it.

to have a feeling and follow it.

to see good things and say thanks if you see fit.

maybe i enjoy being inappropriate,

absurd,

loud,

quiet, 

alone,

good, 

bad, 

and perhaps even

ugly...

reading this, you know me.

everyone has the capacity to do what they want and say what they feel and be as amazing as they allow themselves to be. know this:

what you love in others, you have in you. same goes for what drives you insane. what you think is sexy is what you have. what you think is pretty is also inside. what you think is witty you have the sharpness to understand. what you wanna say has been said and the world turns, without regard to guilt or hurt feelings and really, we don't owe anybody anything except to respond to life with something honest.  magic is everywhere. i sometimes think traffic in LA happens because the people here need to slow down, quit dressing up, and sit in a little machine by themselves and think about what the fuck they're doing.

i feel like i've written that before. it's worth saying again...

if what you do every day is exhausting, find your way to the opposite effect. i know that snap of a finger wont change much, but its the effort that counts.

effort changes everything.

my horoscope just read: it's a good time to let people know how much you love them.

awesome. 

i feel like spreadin' the love. summer is coming and i am ready for it.  summer is my strongest season. i was born in the summer and when it comes i feel a tickle in my brain that's quiet in the winter, not as good as in the fall, and not even close in the spring.

i could eat some soup right now. bread to dip in. i could eat a bowl of spaghetti. i could also have a salad. I could grab some sweet potato fries...that's an idea. hmmm.  hmm...sushi?

funny how often what i write comes down to food or kissing. ('cuz here comes the kissing part...)

sometimes i wake up in the morning and dream up someone who kisses my neck, nuzzles my face on the right side, and then he disappears and reappears on the other side. he disappears again and then i start my day. and that's it some days; that is nourishment enough.

all the sex has evolved to the movements around it now. i prefer flirting, gazing, holding hands, kissing. intercourse: bleh. sometimes i think that the puritan courtship ideals have it right. SOMETIMES. 

but, i get it. 

i like these moments. 

i lack control.

if i'm gonna eat something, it's gotta be soon because there might be some romance happenin' later.

thoughts after a really good conversation with a close friend

when i don't follow my instincts, things suck. why fight that power just because acting logically is the "popular" and conventional way? there is an innovative spirit in people...in EVERYONE that has yet to be unlocked and better said: allowed.

I get by on gut feelings. trying to describe this to people is difficult and probably ridiculous sounding in most cases. 

I get by on loving my friends...and once in a while i happen to run into them and we share these mutual feelings with a helluva lot of laughter.

I get by on sitting in my room and breathing.

I get by on car rides with the music as my own soundtrack, dancing in the street to this continuing soundtrack, and making noise whilst enjoying these moments without giving a damn.

i guess that timing is everything. i trust myself enough to have enough faith and grace about the things that really matter to me.

i guess the most important thing that i've learned these past few days is that the moment that i slip out of my childlike tendencies, shit gets all fucked up.

stay in wonder. stay in love.  be grateful for the reminders that bring you back to wanting to stay in wonder. stay in love.  poetry is everywhere and everything breathes.

tipsy topsy turvy

each moment is new 

so i'm taking advantage of

each 

moment

friends with myself

today i am friends with myself.

i say, "good morning, you...dang! you look refreshed."

i say  "let's do some yoga.

you gonna get your car checked out? eh, it's probably alright. let's hang out instead.

you ever call that one lady who left a voicemail? do it later. let's hang out.

is it cold outside? what are you wearing today?

want to to go out and check how cold it is? sweater? wear the hoodie. you love the hoodie..."

dancing makes it all make sense

fuck it. i don't need it. 

i got it.

nothing and everything...

i'm all llama and no drama.

above any man 

is me

dancing my ass off,

dancing my heart out,

not giving a shit.

no need for coolness, this one's for you.

to my future children: mom had a blast in her day.

she was limber, a teacher, drank her share, and feels your pain.

she believes you are the future.

to the father of my child: lovey did it her way

and won't stop.  only kiss me when you mean it because i can tell the difference.

wanna make out?

i belong everywhere.

neurons firing plus me trying to sit on my hands while watching my thoughts like clouds

what the fuck.

it's only been thirteen days?????

lordy. get of the nuts. sit on your hands indeed. strap weld them to the ground and just wait.

hahah. the impatience to start something that you're building up to something so great. and it hasn' t even been two weeks. the real already happened and the only thing that is real here is your eagerness.

having faith

sitting on my hands.

i'd like this all to work out like it's supposed to and i know it will,

so says the yogi.

swim in this! be giddy!

when's the next time? what are you doing?

god, i cant wait! the long hair suits you. smile smile smile smile,

so says the girl.

fucking relax.

just another boy and frankly, 

you've been havin' fun, yo.

all is good and all can happen. want a drink?

so says the dude.

breathe. find a skirt for tomorrow.

write your love notes.

don't fret.

live in the now.

love all of it.

so says everyone in me...

feedback

and after all this, what it boils down to is the healthy desire of someone to freak out and share with. 

no hesitation. no second thought. just the now. every adventure is a new one because i am in a state of constant change. i might have felt it when he took my hand for the first time.  

after that night and a few days later i thought: "alright. i think i get it now."  and when i think about those moments that are in the vault, I can't help but smile. it just happens to my face.

avocados are excellent.

they are also good with cheese. they make almost every sandwich better. i think they taste so good. i even enjoy eating one right out its skin with a spoon. AND when they're cut in half, they're beautiful!  The shades of green, that perfectly shaped curve? from god.

shit. i love 'em.

it's been a while/crazy grown up things i find myself doing

lately i've been working like a dog, eating like a bird, and reading like my life depended on it (which, in many ways, it does. it has kept me alive in many ways).  After meditating and laying naked in bed checking emails this morning, I thought "holy crap, what time is it?"  when i saw that it was 10am and realized that i'd been up since 7:30 on a SUNDAY, i realized that this was something to document.

who AM i ? and what the fuck am i doing up that early?  at least i woke up on my own. fuck an alarm on a sunday...

happy new year, vulnerable one. here's what you've been lately:

busy/lazy

in charge/fumbling for clues

teacher/student/goof-off

dork/fireball

hungry/satisfied

exhausted/electric

i've been going to work, teaching yoga, teaching teachers, taking on a mentor, taking on myself, PLUS paying rent and catching up with real world hoohah.  this involves waking up fucking early and lots of sacrifice. lots of reclusive moments where i try to use angry moments to propel me into productivity.  procrastination is a funny quality to have when life doesn't allow you to be a procrastinator any more.  i still laugh at dirty jokes and puns that have double meanings.  a bag of money would make things easier but would have no effect on the joy in my life.  i want a banana split. i want to be massaged to sleep and wake up with someone that i have a crush on next to me.  i want to feel like i got enough sleep everyday. i want all of my food to taste delicious.  so shall it be!

i want a man to casually date and have sex with and have dibs on. and he'll have dibs on me.  

i want to be kissed hard.

all my men are far away right now. namely, Nevada, Boston, and Tacoma. fucking tacoma.

haha.

i am drinking tea.

  i just finished playing with my yoga website. for being temporary and a blog, i like it a lot.

i am happy. i love life. i love the cycles of it. i'd love to get laid soon. sex everywhere. all positions. hmm. i love MEN. i want to be touched in the naughty way.  

i will think about this on the drive to my sister's house.

and it always boils down to the gettin' some, doesn't it? 

another one to add:

guttermind/demure little lamb

that is all for today.  rock, biatch!