sunday night

too much in my head right now. too much on the outside. i've done a lot of yoga and all that, but now it's just about letting this pass through. i feel insane. i feel like it's good to go to the darkside: the "what if i'm alone forever" darkside...i feel like a wife who's been dissed for the younger model. i feel like a little kid rejected by his summer girlfriend (am i a little boy? what? ). i feel all bitter about life--and funny, it's now that that the actual feeling of loneliness sets in.  am i total pussy right now?  though i'm happy, and stronger, rejection still sucks. but do i want a boyfriend right now? nope. do i just wanna fuck right now? sure, but no. i wish i was one of those girls who was good at this... and i don't even believe in long term relationships anymore...at least not right now. who knows. i think love can happen in five minutes, five years, or fifty lifetimes. oh well. i'm not built for this game. and this sucks.

    i have to deal with this shit. drama. annoying. insecure. bleh.  introspection...and retrospection is a mother fucker.