lost sleep

for good reason. i read this thing today that said true love is unconditional. even more so, that all love is unconditional. i believe it so deeply but i'm not sure if this belief comes from a place that justifies my having no expectations when i get emotionally involved with someone, therefore creating this armor when i don't get a response back. unconditional love: why can't we all believe this? maybe that would stop all these bullshit games about when to call, when to react, when to do whatever. but maybe these impulses come from a need to satisfy something lacking inside. so,  this real unconditional love that i read about today applies when we are fully in touch with ourselves and who we are as individuals, hopefully not acing out of fear or insecurity or the need to control. i really think that i'm on my way... i just recently recognized the fact that i've sold myself short in the past. fuck that. i'm done with that.  i have killer instincts, so i will follow them. fuck the cost and my only solution is to really follow it because whenever i really truly do, everything comes out okay. 

     so i will play the game of "social norms" even though if we could all act like stalkers sometimes, i bet we would. if we could all afford to sky-write how we feel, i bet we would and it would be a very murky sky because of it.  so, seeing that i've kind of fallen in love many times since the break up, and am definitely in love with this poet that i don't even know, i'm just gonna feel good projecting it out there. i've found that i've learned a great deal over all of the people i've met thus far and it's only getting better.  each person has unlocked a greater, or at least different side of me. i like this. it's fun to be insecure and to be all dramatic sometimes. it's fun to lose your cool. it's fun to do this while having the power to be still when i come home. it's fun to cry about it and  then randomly smile really big when i'm driving. it just takes courage.

     so, tina, what's love got to do with it??  a helluva lot. a whole helluva lot.